Moving office

An unexpected change in the new year: I have to move to a different office. My immediate reaction of reluctance and anxiety was very quickly replaced by a sense of excitement and new beginnings. I will still be based in the centre of Liverpool, not far from where I have been based for the past few years.

Let's see what I can make of this.

I have three supervisors: one for my counselling work and one for my supervision work. But the most important one is the other version of me who sits somewhere off in the upper, left-hand corner of the room and observes my work, keeping an eye on what's going on. He is silent and compassionate; he is interested yet objective. He cares for me and also for my clients. He wants me to be the best I can for them - with them. While I am trying to empathise as much as I can with each client, attempting to understand their experiences as they are experiencing them, engaging with them at an appropriately deep level and partnering them in the 'therapeutic dance', he keeps himself separate and watches over both of us. I can check in with him during sessions as well as at the end, to get a perspective on what has been happening.

Speaking about her relationship, one client recently referred to it as being "perfect in its imperfection". This kind of acceptance is one of the hallmarks of therapy. It does not mean giving up, it does not mean not caring: it is an acceptance of the current reality in a way which still allows for exploration, movement and change. It is about appreciation of the 'now', even if one wants a different 'now'. It is a starting point for growth. Yet another precious insight from a client!

What a wonderful experience when I witness a shift in a person's whole being: when they are able to step back from their life (or, perhaps, step forward into their life) and become aware of new possibilities and potential.

Some clients go beyond the issue which brought them to counselling, begin to see the bigger picture and gain insights into themselves. They acquire confidence, self-assurance, motivation, meaning, purpose and a more positive sense of themselves. Often, this is validated by the people around them, their family and friends.

These are the moments when I learn from my clients, when I see the awareness blossom in them, when I (and they) see what is possible.

These are sweet reminders of why I entered this profession.

Adapting

Our ability to adapt to threatening or challenging situations may be one of our strongest allies but also one of our worst enemies.

Sometimes it seems that there is almost no limit to our brain's capacity for protecting us, by absorbing experiences, 'dealing' with them and filing them away, either for later processing or so that they can be left where they will never be found again. In this way, people survive so many forms of abuse to which they are subjected, numb the searing pain of their deepest losses or put up with the everyday hurts and disappointments that blight their lives.

This is not necessarily right or wrong: we do what we do in order to get by (and, as children, often we don't have time to even think about what we are doing - we act instinctively).

The therapy room offers a safe place in which to strip away the layers we have placed on these experiences. At our own pace and in the company of someone who is there for us and who is not judging us, we can uncover the pain, face the shame and engage with reality. We no longer have to run and hide. We can do more than simply survive: we can find out who we might have been through all these years, who we really are and what we might become.

We no longer have to work around life's challenges and accept second-best. We can re-adapt to accept our real selves and not an inferior version of ourselves.