It is so easy to get stuck in a rut, in so many different areas of our lives. We come to rely on familiar, comfortable and well-worn paths. It can feel so much safer to continue doing things the way we have always done them, if for no other other reason than ... it's the way we've always done them.
Try stirring things up a bit and start to do things differently.
Take a different route into work - what do you see that you haven't seen before? If you normally travel by bus, get off a stop earlier - what do you see and whom do you meet? Buy your lunch somewhere different - what was the experience like? Read a magazine you wouldn't dream of even picking up - what ideas does it give you? Speak to someone you don't normally socialise with - what happens?
Even try brushing your teeth with the other hand! It will feel weird but so what?! Is it a 'good weird'? Does it put you in a different place?
And here's a strange one ... try writing with your non-dominant hand (if you are left-handed, try writing with your right hand). Write out a question with the hand you normally use and then use the non-dominant hand when you try to answer the question. It might be a problem you are facing; you might be looking for new ideas about a particular topic; it might be a moment of self-reflection. Whatever it is, pay attention to the unusual ideas which spring up simply because you are using a different hand. Read a bit more about this at: http://www.ehow.com/how_2021921_use-nondominant-handwriting-selfhelp.html.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Empathy
Empathy and empathic responses lie at the heart of Person-centred counselling.
I want to be as close as I can be to my clients' experiences and to remove any barriers that lie between us. However, I do not want to lose a sense of who I am: I want to be here for my clients as myself. I don't want to lose myself in them but want to understand their experiences as best I can: who they are, what their life is, what they are feeling. I want them to know that I am trying and, perhaps, succeeding.
As Carl Rogers wrote: as a counsellor, you try to "sense the client’s private world as if it was your own, but without losing the 'as if' quality". Just one of many knife-edges in the profession!
I want to be as close as I can be to my clients' experiences and to remove any barriers that lie between us. However, I do not want to lose a sense of who I am: I want to be here for my clients as myself. I don't want to lose myself in them but want to understand their experiences as best I can: who they are, what their life is, what they are feeling. I want them to know that I am trying and, perhaps, succeeding.
As Carl Rogers wrote: as a counsellor, you try to "sense the client’s private world as if it was your own, but without losing the 'as if' quality". Just one of many knife-edges in the profession!
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Coaching
Coaching can act as a wake-up call. Even if you've already set your alarm clock, I can be the person who splashes water in your face because you keep hitting the snooze button.
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Ignorance is bliss
In a way, I strive for complete ignorance when first meeting each of my clients. I don't want to make any assumptions about them, I don't want to draw on any kind of 'expertise' to pre-judge our relationship, I don't want to explain them, interpret them or categorise them with any labels. I want each and every first encounter to be just that: an encounter with another human being, untainted by any preconceived ideas.
I want to be with them and to meet them, openly, honestly, without prejudice.
What I know about them is whatever I experience from our therapeutic relationship. It is all about the here-and-now.
I want to be with them and to meet them, openly, honestly, without prejudice.
What I know about them is whatever I experience from our therapeutic relationship. It is all about the here-and-now.
If only ....
How many times have you said "if only I knew then what I know now!". There's so much you wish you had done differently and wish you could change.
The fact is, you know now what you know now and the rest of your life is still to come. That's what you should be focusing on. Don't dwell on what was or what might have been; focus on your future. Change all those mindless and out-of-date patterns. Lay down new patterns. Try new things. Do things differently. Prepare! Build! Create!
And see what happens.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
The fact is, you know now what you know now and the rest of your life is still to come. That's what you should be focusing on. Don't dwell on what was or what might have been; focus on your future. Change all those mindless and out-of-date patterns. Lay down new patterns. Try new things. Do things differently. Prepare! Build! Create!
And see what happens.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Friday, 19 August 2011
The meaning of counselling
On one of the Linked-In groups, I came across this beautiful description of counselling from Paula Young, a writer and psychotherapist in San Franciso:
Underneath the frustration with insurance companies, the resentment at social security and their intermediaries, and the demands of CEUs, is something - at the core, at the beginning - that is beautiful. The creative energy one can hook into when doing this work, the fun of using one's intuition, the wonder of being able to offer a healing relationship, the sweetness of another human being trusting you enough to offer up their honest self, feeling capable - of being present for another's innermost thoughts and feelings, capable of sitting on one's own anxiety while a patient one is responsible for, struggles with suicidal ideation, the meaning added to one's own life of offering up an effort to improve the world. Attempting to make a contribution. These are some of the beautiful experiences to be had, at the core, beneath all the thick, crusty layers of writing reports, doing appeals, sitting on the phone waiting, waiting for an insurance clerk, being questioned by so-called clinical case managers, and yelled at by SSI workers
Underneath the frustration with insurance companies, the resentment at social security and their intermediaries, and the demands of CEUs, is something - at the core, at the beginning - that is beautiful. The creative energy one can hook into when doing this work, the fun of using one's intuition, the wonder of being able to offer a healing relationship, the sweetness of another human being trusting you enough to offer up their honest self, feeling capable - of being present for another's innermost thoughts and feelings, capable of sitting on one's own anxiety while a patient one is responsible for, struggles with suicidal ideation, the meaning added to one's own life of offering up an effort to improve the world. Attempting to make a contribution. These are some of the beautiful experiences to be had, at the core, beneath all the thick, crusty layers of writing reports, doing appeals, sitting on the phone waiting, waiting for an insurance clerk, being questioned by so-called clinical case managers, and yelled at by SSI workers
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Irvin Yalom
I have long been a fan of existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom. His academic works (such as "Existential Psychotherapy" and "The Gift of Therapy") are inspiring.
His compilations of case studies (such as "Love's Executioner" and "Momma and the Meaning of Life") provide a frank and honest illustration of the humane and insightful work he has done with clients over many years (as well as being the closest we can get to actually being in the room with a master therapist). These volumes are a 'must read' not only for therapists but also for anyone contemplating counselling and who might be wondering what it's all about.
His compilations of case studies (such as "Love's Executioner" and "Momma and the Meaning of Life") provide a frank and honest illustration of the humane and insightful work he has done with clients over many years (as well as being the closest we can get to actually being in the room with a master therapist). These volumes are a 'must read' not only for therapists but also for anyone contemplating counselling and who might be wondering what it's all about.
Journey to the unknown
Counselling can certainly stir things up. Clients turn up wanting, and expecting, to talk about one thing and then find themselves veering off into areas they never knew existed. This can be scary, challenging and, ultimately, rewarding.
One client arrived intending to deal with a recent bereavement. Predictably, in the first session, he needed to offload his grief and express what he was feeling - things that he either couldn't, or didn't want, to discuss with friends or family.
However, in the next session, he began a complete re-evaluation of his life: who he was, where he was headed, what he might want out of life, how he might find meaning. He started to question his very essence in a positive and constructive way. He had no idea where these thoughts came from or where the session might end but the experience of talking to me (or of talking in my presence) enabled him to go places he had never acknowledged, and to touch on thoughts and emotions of which he had not been aware.
It was an mind-opening experience for both of us and one which seemed to launch him on a journey of self-discovery which, potentially, would continue long after he had left the counselling room.
One client arrived intending to deal with a recent bereavement. Predictably, in the first session, he needed to offload his grief and express what he was feeling - things that he either couldn't, or didn't want, to discuss with friends or family.
However, in the next session, he began a complete re-evaluation of his life: who he was, where he was headed, what he might want out of life, how he might find meaning. He started to question his very essence in a positive and constructive way. He had no idea where these thoughts came from or where the session might end but the experience of talking to me (or of talking in my presence) enabled him to go places he had never acknowledged, and to touch on thoughts and emotions of which he had not been aware.
It was an mind-opening experience for both of us and one which seemed to launch him on a journey of self-discovery which, potentially, would continue long after he had left the counselling room.
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Acceptance
More than anything, my clients seem to value the non-judgmental aspect of Person-centred counselling. It almost comes as a surprise to them to realise that they can be listened to with total acceptance, that they can speak from the heart without fear of being rejected and without being labelled or having their words intepreted into something they didn't say. They can simply BE with another human being - possibly for the first time in their lives.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Being Person-centred
I aim to be Person-centred in my work. I don't always succeed fully but I believe it is important and worthwhile to try.
If I can accept my clients, be genuine with them, be present for them, try to understand their world as accurately as possible and let them know that I am trying, then I might just engage with them in a way that enables them to find hope and meaning, and become whoever thay can become.
If I can accept my clients, be genuine with them, be present for them, try to understand their world as accurately as possible and let them know that I am trying, then I might just engage with them in a way that enables them to find hope and meaning, and become whoever thay can become.
Monday, 15 August 2011
Waiting for you
If I can see how amazing you are, what potential you have and all the things about you that are positive, but you can't see it, perhaps I can look after that awareness until you are ready to join me and see it too.
Into Liverpool
On the bus into Liverpool this morning, a small child in a pushchair started crying. Her father responded by saying "I'll smack your arse." while her mother sat nearby, too busy with her mobile phone to make any comment. How much we absorb as children and how deep it sits! And how important is every single word we say to our children.
Words can encourage or wound, facilitate or crush, free or imprison.
Words can encourage or wound, facilitate or crush, free or imprison.
Introduction
My name is Steve Manning and I work as a Person-centred counsellor. I am based in Liverpool in the UK and also provide my services online via Skype.
After having worked for 32 years in the UK Civil Service and having operated my counselling business on a part-time basis since 2001, I took advantage of a Government early exit scheme in February 2011 and am now working full-time in a profession which I find rewarding, enjoyable and purposeful. After spending so much time counting down the years to my retirement, I now find myself in a job from which I have no intention of retiring for the forseeable future.
Right now, it feels really good to be where I am. And that makes a pleasant change.
After having worked for 32 years in the UK Civil Service and having operated my counselling business on a part-time basis since 2001, I took advantage of a Government early exit scheme in February 2011 and am now working full-time in a profession which I find rewarding, enjoyable and purposeful. After spending so much time counting down the years to my retirement, I now find myself in a job from which I have no intention of retiring for the forseeable future.
Right now, it feels really good to be where I am. And that makes a pleasant change.
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